Hi Everyone! It’s been quite a while since I’ve had a post up and quite a number of people have reached out to see if I’m doing ok. I am, but life is just different lately and it’s truly hard for me to explain why. Many of you noticed that I’m not as active as I used to be on social media, and I don’t like being active when I’m not happy because I love to inspire others and bring positive energy, not negative energy to these platforms! 2016 has not been my year… I’ve been emotionally exhausted and physically drained since July. It’s hard to sleep, hard to concentrate in class, and when I do try to focus.. my mind starts to wander and I get easily distracted. I haven’t been inspired and I’m stuck in this rut.
I come on here to write this not because I want any sympathy… but to remind you guys that it gets better with time. I am doing much better than I was in July and in due time, I’m sure I’ll be back to my “normal” self. For those of you who don’t know, I lost an aunt early July and it’s been extremely hard for me coping with her sudden loss. I’m still heartbroken and grieving… the woman that made a positive impact in my life was so loving, genuine, and had such a big heart. Everyone grieves differently. I tend to listen to her saved voicemails, re-read saved messages I sent her, watch her memorial video, home videos, and I just let the tears flow. Her laugh used to make me smile and her unconditional love meant everything to me. I lost an uncle in 2004, my grandma in 2006, and my grandfather in 2008– but I know now that it’s much, much harder dealing with the loss of a loved one when he/she truly meant the world to you. It’s true when people say that life is forever changed and different following a sudden loss.
I’ve picked up writing and reading while trying to balance my work and school schedule. I’m sometimes too tired to eat, or I just don’t have the appetite to eat because I’ve had a really rough day. I try not to plan as much as I used to because I don’t want to disappoint myself– I used to make lists and actually stick to them. Some days are harder than others, so I’ve been attempting to conquer the world one day at a time.
To all of you who have lost a loved one, I feel for you and I know your pain. I’ve fallen into a dark place and it’s taking me some time to recover. I have faith and I’m a believer… I know I’ll be just fine in due time. I love you guys. Thank you for the love and support you’ve shown me. xx